Growing a Good Eater Series: Day 4: Family Style Eating

Gathering around the table for a meal.  It's so quaint.  So idealistic.  So...archaic?

What happened to it?

Any report I've heard on it says it's such a positive thing - it builds relationships, it's great family time, and even good for digestion.  I've never heard someone purposefully try to expel this habit from our culture, yet it in many ways has been.  We're too busy.  We don't have time.  And all of a sudden a drive-thru becomes our idea of a family meal.

I'll admit, I was not raised in a family that gathered around the table for a meal, said grace, and then passed serving platters to each other while we engaged in meaningful, bond building conversation.  Sure we sometimes did this on holidays or for special events, but certainly not on the regular.  This left me yearning for this type of Beaver-Cleaver family experience as an adult.

But with three kids in two years and a husband who worked late and went to school, I quickly saw how impossible this dream was going to be for us.  We fell quickly into the world of toddler food - chicken nuggets, mixed veggies from a can, and apple slices thrown on a high chair and eventually onto a plastic compartmentalized plate and served to them.

Years passed and I still found myself drifting into this la-la land of family style eating, with now six-year-old twins and a five-year-old and a husband who worked not quite as late and had the semester off school.  Then I read this article by Katja Rowell, M.D. who said that the number one tip her clients report to having helped them with picky eaters is family style (i.e. not pre-plated) meals.

Wow.  Really?

Could simply changing the way we eat really make such a big difference?

I mentioned this to my mom who teaches at a pre-school and she reported, yes, the school she worked at where the little three and four-year-olds ate family style led to much more productive eating.

The timing was right and I went for it that very night.

And boy, was I shocked.

It worked.  I mean, instantly, it worked.  That night my oldest ate grilled chicken - like, actual chicken I made on the stove - for the first time.  And he ate almost a whole chicken breast.

A fluke?  Maybe.  So I gave it another shot at breakfast.  And he ate cantaloupe again for the first time in ages.

I was sold.

Granted, we don't get a new food every meal, but there is a significant - I mean, husband's eyes bulging out of his head, significant - difference in the way our boys eat.  And when we slip up and miss doing this, (there are still many busy mornings I throw waffles at them as we're getting ready) there is a noticeable difference in the other direction, as well.

Here's the pattern: we miss a few family style meals, the quality of their eating goes down, their nutritional needs are not met as well, and due to that, we start seeing behaviors.

I'm sure there's research out there on this somewhere, but in my humble opinion, here's why it works:

1. The Group Thing.  
We are all - adults and kids - pouring our own drinks, choosing our own food, and enjoying the event simultaneously.  Plus, you've gotta love positive peer pressure.  Don't think they don't notice how much attention their brother gets for putting the carrots on his plate.
Don't have kids taking veggies yet?  Get your spouse to play along: "Good job on those carrots, daddy!"  They'll take notice - and what little boy doesn't want to be just like daddy?

**mama side note...I used to get so stressed trying to get the meal prepared and to the table to eat all at the same time and by the time I actually got to the table, everyone else was pretty much done.  With family style eating, we don't start until we're all there together and it is so nice!

2. Freedom.
"No thanks" is a perfectly fine response when a food is passed to you.  But you are still required to take the dish and pass it to the next person.  This means they are at least handling the food in someway, tolerating its presence, viewing it, smelling it, observing it, and interacting with it.  And remember, that is a very important step; one that usually proceeds actually eating it.  Don't take it for granted.

Don't get overwhelmed by this; it's not about what you serve.  No need to prepare lavish gourmet meals.  Lunch for us is often rolled up lunch meat, crackers, cheese slices and lettuce leafs.  It is much more about presentation (laying all the food out and passing it around) than anything else.

Bottom line: The kids love it.  They love to help set the table and gather together and pass plates and sit with mom and dad as we converse.  And more importantly, they need it.  The example my husband and I are setting, the improved odds at getting high quality nutrition, and the family bonding.

So join me; bring back this old wives tale of family style eating and see if it doesn't make a difference with your picky eater!

This post is the last of a series.  To catch up, read:
Growing a Godd Eater: Day 3: Playing with Your Food
Growing a Good Eater: Day 2: Rainbow Eating
Growing a Good Eater: Day 1: Kids in the Kitchen